III
As I wrote 30/3/20 down on a notebook today, I thought of the future day when I would be writing 30/3/30; for some reason it’s satisfying when dates do that thing. Not to mention 30/3/33.
At that moment, I decided today’s post would be a letter to myself. One of my favorite things about writing is reminiscing. One day I could dust off journals or revisit a blog and see what young(er) Micaela was thinking, where her heart was at, and at the same time see what 30 year old her has learned and experienced since then. Actually…I would still be 29 but I’ll leave it cause it sounds cooler.
God willing, there will be a 30 year old me. But this is all hypothetical. If that is not the case, if I never get to read this letter in 10 years, then I trust that it is His will. And I consider that possibility without fear, willingly and not holding on, because I know I am His and not my own. So if that is the case, then I know, and I knew, that it has purpose and will serve for His glory.
Come now, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city, spend a year there, buy and sell, and make a profit”; whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away. James 4:13–14 (NKJV)
I want my vapor to have given its all for Him.
After a very existential crisis-y introduction, here’s the rest.
Hi Micaela,
I’m really curious about who you are now. I wonder in which ways you’ve changed, what you’ve grown in, what things you struggle with now. I hope you still see trials with a lens of joy, and that you face them with a peace and strength that only He gives. I hope you’re taking care of the people God has placed in your life. I hope you’ve become bold in your love for others, that you show it with acts of kindness and grace, with sacrifice, without holding back; just how He does for you.
I don’t know which people have continued to walk beside you and which new ones have jumped in, but I’m sure they’re there, and I hope you’re loving and looking at them like Jesus would, to the best of your human capacity. I hope you’re married, or getting there, and that you’ve decided to join as one with someone who has God as his compass in everything. I hope he loves Him more than you; that brings you, me, so much peace to think about. I hope he has helped you grow and that you have done the same. I hope you two are glorifying Him, loving Him, and satisfied in Him, regardless of ANYTHING.
Remember to remember. I know, dangerous. I know nostalgia gives us physical pain. I know scrolling through the camera roll makes our chest hurt. I know remembering too much sometimes makes us cry. It’s not a sad pain, maybe our body just reacts weirdly to such big amounts of joy. Or does it? Does your body still do that? Either way, remember that the reason why that happens is because He has been so good!!! And right there, in 30/3/30, He still is. Don’t forget to remember, and once you do, remember to praise Him.
Oh, and you better have dived into all of your Bible.
Can’t wait to see what you’ve learned. Can’t wait to see your eyes opened to more of who He is. Thank Him for that. Remember He doesn’t run out. He is eternal, so don’t get tired of seeking Him every single day. You will always find Him there, and you will always find more. Keep the hunger, pray for more of it, be thankful for it.
And then, shout it from the rooftops. Know Him and make Him known.
Praying for you,
Micaela (Me…you…us?)
P.S. There’s a ton more that I probably forgot to say but it would end up being a book. For your sake and mine, this will do. Go back to whatever you were doing. What were you doing, Micaela? I’m excited to find out.
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Let every word of my mouth be according to His truth. If not, please let me know, I’m listening.
